Little Baby Kicks

So for a little while now I have been feeling little different movements in my belly, but I was never positive that it really was our baby moving. I would tell Garth almost sheepishly that MAYBE I had felt the baby move, but I wasn't sure yet because I didn't want to be wrong.
Well Monday I was sitting in class and felt a definite little thud. It made me laugh out loud and I basically wanted to jump up and tell everyone I KNEW my baby had just kicked me--but I decided against it.
Tuesday night I went to the gym and walked the track for a good while. When I came home I drank a whole bottle of water and got in bed to read. Garth fell asleep quickly, as he always does, but he had his hand stretched out across my stomach.
After a little while I started to feel little taps and realized the baby was kicking/moving right under Garth's hand. I pictured our baby trying to wake daddy up and it made me laugh. Garth was dead asleep so I moved his hand and put mine in its place. I was so surprised that I could feel the baby moving from the outside too! I didn't think that it was time for that yet. Baby was super active that night and I laughed and just followed him/her around feeling the movements with my hand on the outside. It made me completely ecstatic to say the least. I sat in bed just smiling wishing that I could wake Garth up, but knowing if I did he wouldn't actually be coherent enough to understand and feel the baby move. I just shared in our little secret and excitement by myself, and decided Garth would get to feel the movements the next day.

Well the next day baby just didn't want to move for dad. I must have made him sit with his hand on my stomach like 4 times, but he was patient and didn't express out-loud the annoyance his face showed [: He wasn't sure he'd be able to feel it yet anyways.
Then, sitting in the same class as Monday, the baby started moving during the hymn. Of course when I was far away from Garth and unable to feel my belly with my hand.
But I felt movement a couple times during dinner too, so I was getting excited that there was yet hope for Garth.
That night I was laying on my back in bed reading and the baby started moving. I quickly put Garth's hands over the spot and he said "I don't feel anything". I just held it there HOPING the baby would move again. Then as I went to say "did you feel it?" he said "OH! I felt that one!"
Garth says that it feels like a little heart beat--that only beats once haha.
Still little movements, as we are only 18 weeks tomorrow. But I'm happy, and I constantly laugh. The baby seems to always be active during my classes. Garth says its a sign that our baby is tired of hearing Shakespeare...[:

update on life

I realize I updated this not too long ago but I was just so excited that I finally updated my chalkboard too... I'll be 18 weeks this Friday. So close to finding out gender and so close to hopefully soon feeling some kicks!?
I can tell my stomach is changing. But so far not a whole lot changing that's noticeable with all my clothes covering it. But you can tell in the tank top pic its starting to maybe poke out a little right?

Garth and I are so ready for the semester to be done. We had an overwhelmingly busy last couple of weeks and we just want it to end! 3 weeks left of classes 1 week full of finals. WE CAN DO IT!
The only sad thing is that after that we have 1 week of break and then we are back to a 14 week semester. So lame.
The 7 week break is going to be so great. We are due the end of it, so hopefully Garth won't have to miss class for our baby's arrival.

I'm so excited to find out gender. I tried to convince my doctor to do it earlier but he's leaving town so we had to wait. Lame!
I just want to start planning the nursery and picking our name!
I have a couple favorites for each gender, but Garth won't be a fully active participant until we know gender. (men).

I'm sad to report the sickness actually isn't over. I always think it is because I'm heavily medicated and don't feel sick anymore, but I tried to ween myself off (doc said to start when I thought I was done being sick). We decreased the dose and the first two days I was totally fine which was an improvement. But then it went downhill quickly until I was back to running to the sink. I guess I'm just one of those lame people who don't get magically cured around 12-14 weeks. Oh well [:

Garth and I are doing well beyond the baby. We have been having a stressful semester but also one of the more peaceful semesters. A lot of school work--but we've learned how to manage it really well as a team and to tackle things together. I love the days he comes home for lunch and we get to just talk for a little bit in the middle of the day before going on to our classes.

This is my complaint for the week [: so you may choose to skip it if you'd like haha:
I've learned that miscarrying changes pregnancy for each spouse a little bit. Cramps and pains make you really nervous, especially before you reach that 12 week mark. It makes you cringe when people announce pregnancy really early, It also makes your husband worry more.
First off, Garth is just Garth. He's the type of guy who doesn't let you open your own door, and doesn't like you to carry the heavy things if you don't have to because you're his wife and that's just Garth. Which I love about him. I think its cute and gentlemen-like. But then if you add in our first pregnancy and how active we were, I still ran and swam laps and worked out almost daily (which is fine, its not WHY I miscarried) of course at some point I know Garth wondered if he let me do too much. So now, when you put that all together you have a very attentive husband on the second pregnancy. He doesn't like me to carry the groceries if he can help it (I still help though promise!) he prefers I do things like walk and ride the bike at the gym, and if I get cramps and he can tell oh my goodness I don't get to lift a finger. Lol. Which yes sometimes I have to tell him to just calm down and I'm fine [: BUT that's MY job. There have been a lot of people who tell him to not do this or not feel this way or who roll their eyes or act as though he's weird. He's not weird, he's just had different experiences that make him feel differently about this pregnancy--I wish people understood that. I love him. End of story.

Also question for everyone:
What type of stroller do you have or prefer?
I want a stroller I could go jogging with. But I've been reading that they don't recommend you jog with a baby until they're six months anyways. I've also read about the downsides weight and size wise. So I'm wondering if you have a jogging stroller, would you still want the basic travel systems? Or would you just use your jogging stroller for everything etc?
Just let me know please!!!

First trimester recap.

This is my first trimester recap real quick
Things I liked:
1. Hearing the heart beat and seeing a healthy baby. I was SO nervous for the 8 week appointment. I may or may not have been super lame and cried when I heard the heart beat. No one noticed though.
2. To tell Garth we were pregnant I made a movie. It had all our pictures we've taken in order from the dating phase up to married life. At the end there was a slide that said "And now this summer they're renovating their apartment..." and the next said "They're adding two feet" then the next was a picture of baby feet and the text said "the kind of feet that walk" then it ended. And Garth didn't get it. He didn't realize for about 2 minutes what I was saying. So that was awkward.. lol
3. Making it to the 12 week mark. I've been so nervous at any sign of cramping or pain, I just wanted to make it to this point so I could relax a LITTLE.
4. How badly Garth wants a boy, and how badly my siblings want me to have a girl. All for weird reasons. Anna because she wants Paris to have a friend, and Kyle because he wants to be able to have the first boy. Haha [:
5. How if there's ANYthing that sounds good to me to eat (its rare for me to find something I actually want) Garth wants to go get it right then always. Sometimes I feel awkward, but he loves me.
6. Kyle and Bailee brought me a first trimester survival kit. It had all my favorite things. Goldfish, airheads, popsicles--yum--and more, and each had a purpose. Probably the airheads were eaten way too quickly though. 
7. The satisfaction my husband gets out of seeing me sick. Now before you judge him--let me explain. He doesn't like seeing me sick and in pain, but its comforting because me being sick means the pregnancy is progressing. I wasn't super sick my first pregnancy. So one day when I threw up all day Garth got a little excited and said, "Maybe we are having a boy!!" (My mom was much sicker with the boy than the girls). Haha. ALSO the first time I threw up there was a little smile on his face. Which you can bet I didn't like at the time.. lol

Dislikes:
1. The fact that when you throw up pregnant there's no "oh I finally threw up now I feel better." Its oh man I feel worse, which probably means its going to happen again.
2. My general bla toward food. I can never find anything that sounds good, therefore nothing is really satisfying.
3. Having my first real craving. For a while I just really liked taco bell. But I never felt like I craved it. Then one day after being sick all day I had a super strong craving for a smoothie I haven't had since high school. I got all shakey and crazy. Didn't have a car so, my lovely sister in law had to go get it for me. I felt really bad, but I learned real cravings stink. Except when they're satisfied. That made the smoothie the best smoothie ever.
4. Garth  not liking me to do anything I don't have to. I finally had to tell him one night that when I feel good I want to clean and I want to cook and I want to do normal things, and he has to let me or I feel like a terrible wife and I'm doing nothing fulfilling.
5. Being in school while sick. I always have a little snack for class, but I've quickly learned that my classes are all very far from the bathroom. So my options for running out of the class to throw up are water fountains and sometimes I get lucky with trash cans.. one time my only option was a potted plant. Luckily I was just dry heaving. People stared, yes.
6. Wanting to work out, but not being able to consistently. I usually do on the days I feel good, and I've been trying to at least walk the track. But it doesn't happen all the time. And I get more sore doing the same things I used to, so I feel like an old woman. [:


My conclusion: I'm not so good at this whole pregnancy thing yet. Don't think my body likes the hormones [: haha. But this is yet another reason God sent such a patient husband my way right? Garth keeps telling me this trimester is going to be better and I'm going to wake up one day like "DING" sickness gone. So far, not yet [:

Secrets

Its 11:50am and I have been reading for 3 1/2 straight hours for homework, so I'm taking a small break to write a little post. 

I've decided its time to stop lying to people...

 

Can you read what that says? Haha. Yes, yes its true. 

So little bit of information-- 

Yes, we did wait the three months recommended by the doctor after we miscarried. That seems to be a frequent question [: 

We are 12 weeks along now. 

We've seen the baby, and everything looks healthy. We are exactly on schedule which is a good sign for a healthy baby, we've heard the healthy heart beat twice, and things are looking great there.  

 Baby Wright is due August 23rd. (For those of you who don't remember, ironically my due date is the exact day I miscarried). Maybe I'm weird but it made me smile a little. 

I will graduate in July. A month before baby's arrival. 

Pre-pregnancy: 

 

Disclaimer: These photos above look awkward because they were just taken to show my friend the skirt. Its a skirt she had us get for her bridesmaids outfits. So I wasn't really planning on a pre-pregnancy photo. But it was about a week before the three months of waiting ended.

 I planned to do the above every week.. but I've been sick so it hasn't happened. 

I will do a twelve week one this week though!

11 Weeks:

Part of the reason I'm announcing this is because I am worried people think I'm going inactive!

This pregnancy I have been SO sick. 

I was really nauseated daily starting week 6ish. 

The day after I became 8 weeks I threw up for the first time being pregnant! Before that it was just dry heaves. I remember running to the sink and thinking oh no, its started. 

After that it just got worse. 

It was once the next day, three times the next day, twice in the morning and twice at night the next, and so on until it was uncontrollable and I found myself hooked up to an IV due to dehydration. 

Needless to say I missed a lot of church and class, and people were starting to ask me a lot of questions. I wasn't ready to tell people because I still have this fear of miscarrying. So I just kind of let them fill in their own blanks haha. 

But after the IV I had this big bruise on my hand, so people started asking if I had the flu and it dehydrated me. I started to feel really bad that no one knew. 

I'm now on medication for the nausea. It works great. I don't throw up if I take it twice a day, just have nausea some head aches and dry heaving. But all of that is definitely do-able.

We have since learned that without the medication I throw up literally every half hour, no exaggeration. And yes--I calculated the average. Before you judge me I was trying to figure out how long there was between each time so I could find a way to keep food down or water and avoid another IV. 

So, all my teachers have had to be notified and most of them are pretty willing to work with me on the whole not being able to attend classes sometimes. (Attendance is a big deal at BYU-I because of tithing dollars paying for our education). Am I extremely behind in school though? You betchya. 

I missed the whole second week of classes, and then half a week again last week. 

BUT I have an amazing husband who is picking up my ever growing slack. He works way too hard, but I can say that all the days I was really sick he kept the house clean while I laid in bed with my bowl. 

He draws on my back a lot, because when I'm throwing up I get really grumpy, its exhausting. Good thing I married a very patient man who loves me very much! 

The day I got my IV he informed me that he missed class that day for the first time since his mission. He's been home almost three years--so I ruined that perfect record! The IV and appointment took almost 5 hours total. The nurses kept getting frustrated that my veins wouldn't take the fluid in any faster. 

This is when Garth had the brilliant idea of playing the "guess what I'm thinking game". That got us through about an hour of it. 

Then our neighbors brought him Jimmy Johns. I was so jealous. I hadn't been able to eat anything in days, but Garth reminded me that I was currently eating through a tube in my vein. Needless to say, he received a very dirty look as he ate his huge sandwich.(I wasn't allowed to eat anything yet).

But that day I was just so grateful I chose Garth. He doesn't complain, he doesn't get upset--he just does. He gave me a blessing that morning, and then called the doctor. We went in just because I had lost 4 pounds in a couple days, but we didn't think I needed an IV. The doctor said I was too dehydrated so we'd have to stay. We weren't planning on missing classes, but Garth didn't complain. He just sat and talked to me and made me laugh. I apologized for how much time it was taking and how much the IV would cost and he just laughed at me. He's a good man. 

Anyways--surprise! Even though most of you were probably expecting it. 

I'm not very good at keeping secrets, but only our family and neighbors knew, so I think I did pretty good... 

So for any of you who were wondering why I cancelled visiting teaching appointments, why I missed church for multiple weeks, or why I sporadically attend class--now you know. 

Our Something Unexpected

I started this post with a much different purpose a long time ago. 

I've debated about whether or not I should share all of it. But I've decided I have learned way too much to not share this story.

Maybe people will think its something I shouldn't have shared, and maybe others will find comfort in it. 

All I know is I write about things. I'm a writer, its my major, its my thing. Things make sense on paper. Or I guess in this case online. 

Plus I think this post will make a lot of things make sense to those who live around us. 

Anyhow, here goes nothing!

Almost 9 weeks ago we experienced our something unexpected. 

Some of you may have guessed this was coming, but we sure didn't!
It came as a bit of a shock, and the first week was spent trying to wrap our heads around it!
The moment I saw those two lines my head was flooded with questions -- school -- money -- work -- school. You know the drill.
Garth was so ecstatic right off the bat.
I may or may not have shed some tears. Not that I didn't WANT to be pregnant I did want a baby but I was extremely caught off guard. And couldn't help but feel a little young..
That week I was a ball of stress. I went in and met with someone in the English department and changed around the rest of my degree.
I only have 3 semesters left. 2 of which I can complete before baby! That meant I was just going to split the last semester into 2 and go part time after the baby arrived. I was still going to graduate ahead of schedule. I suddenly became very grateful that I graduated high school early and have taken at least one extra class a semester.
Garth and I sat down and figured everything out financially. We researched all the one time costs like cribs and car seats and then all the ongoing costs for the first year of the babies life.
We figured out how we were going to make it all work and somehow it fell together.
There were immediate blessings we were able to see in our lives.
Just to give an example, obviously for a little  bit money was going to be tight because this wasn't something we were planning for.
The week my mom was here she bought us a ton of groceries. (this was the week before we knew we were pregnant)
We had a more full fridge and pantry than we've ever had in our life together!
Then two weeks later Garth's sister bought us a ton of groceries for his birthday present. (she didn't know we were pregnant).
Then a couple weeks later my friend who is an apartment manager was going through and checking apartments after all the girls had moved out. They leave everything from food, to tv's, to cleaning supplies.
She gave me a ton of stuff.
We still haven't bought groceries in months.
We truly felt so blessed. Things were going to work out and we were going to be okay. 
We got to see the little tiny baby on Ultrasound at 5 weeks! Then we set the appointment to come in at 8 weeks to hear the heart beat and see it start to look more like a baby. 
After that it was all excitement. Of course every once in a while there was that nagging thought "We've only been married six months! This is so fast" but we were so excited for our baby. And to meet our baby!
We didn't tell many people but the reactions of the few we told varied.
There were those who were excited.
I had someone tell me they felt bad for me.
Those who thought we were crazy.
And then more of those excited ones. 
Garth was especially happy. He loves kids, and his family all has a ton! (my family has no grandchildren yet)
We found ourselves wandering the baby section at every store and joking about how big I may or may not get.
I tried to adjust to ALWAYS being tired, but who really gets used to that?
We had a plan, we were having a baby, we were so excited.
We learned that things don't always go as planned, but that we need to trust in our Heavenly Father because usually his plans for us are much better than our own. We learned to rely on each other and to grow together. We made a lot of decisions together. And learned that family was truly the most important.
But the learning wasn't over.
Monday night after FHE I began spotting.
Only it was more than just "spotting".
I instantly panicked and became emotional.
Which made Garth worry and wait for me to explain whats going on.
I knew something was wrong, but I hoped that it wasn't.
Garth gave me a blessing and I honestly instantly knew.
In the middle of my request to please not let our baby die I knew right away that the baby already had, and there wasn't anything I could do.
I cried myself to sleep that night, but somehow I was able to feel SOME comfort in the fact that it was out of my hands. It was in the Lord's hands and I knew, from our previous experiences, that I could trust him.
That morning was a rough one. Waking up and remembering is almost worse than actually finding out. We called the doctor and made an appointment to go in.
The doctor did some blood work and an ultrasound.
When he came back in the room to tell us what he found he handed me my paper and at the bottom it said "threat abortion". (This is a type of miscarriage).
I instantly regretted ever crying about being pregnant. Ever being scared about having a baby. I wished that I had always been excited and never second guessed it. 
He told us we should be eight weeks, and there should be a distinct flicker of a heartbeat but he couldn't find one. Our baby was much smaller than it should be at this point and he was 90% sure we were miscarrying.
We didn't ask many questions that day I just silently cried while he spoke.
They tested my hormone levels, and I was instructed to come back Thursday to test them again to see if they were increasing to signal that I was progressing.
That day was terrible. I cried, Garth cried, and we tried to understand.
One hard thing is there isn't a lot we know about miscarriages in a gospel sense.
We don't know when the spirit enters or doesn't enter, if that baby still comes, or if that baby is still ours later.
There wasn't a lot of comfort to be found but in each other. 
While I cried Garth was able to hold it together and just talk to me.
While he cried I was able to hold it together and talk to him.
It was hard to see him cry because naturally as a wife you want to make it better.
It's hard to know that although it isn't my fault it is my body rejecting it.
We talked about all we had learned from the experience.
We felt that we had been able to see that family is truly so much more important than anything else.
That it would be selfish to try to fit the Lord's work somewhere in our worldly timeline.
We also felt that this had shown us we ARE ready and able to start our family. We'd always planned on waiting to get a little further along, but now we know it is possible. And we were excited.
Garth and I also became so much closer. We had such a mixture of reactions from people that we had to just learn to rely and trust in solely one another.

I went in Thursday and did the blood work, my hormones were really high which I was told was a good sign. We found ourselves caught between trying to "not be negative" and "not get our hopes up".
We didn't do a whole lot through the week. The first day we just watched Harry Potter all day.
My mom surprised us and came Thursday night.
She could only stay for a short time so she said she would stay for my appointment the next day.
I was extremely grateful to have her there and to be able to hear her opinions and thoughts on all of it.
The next day the doctor did an ultrasound.
It was the longest ultrasound I've ever had.
He checked and measured EVERYTHING.
He told us that baby had stopped progressing at 6 weeks.
Based on the size and the tissue he suspected the baby did indeed have a heartbeat at one time but that it didn't beat for very long.
He confirmed that there was no heartbeat now and that we were for sure having a miscarriage.
Although the news was painful, we had had all week to prepare.
We were more able to ask him all our questions than we were the first appointment.

It has been an interesting week. Full of ups and downs. But I am so grateful for the experience. I wish it didn't end the way it did but we were able to grow. I feel like the Lord was helping us get to where he wanted us to be. Our priorities were given a strong wake up call. Garth has been a great support through the whole thing. He truly is an amazing husband. Even though we never got to meet our first baby we loved our baby. And we were blessed so much by the short time the baby was a part of our lives. I learned how miraculous it is that women can create life, and how sacred our call to be mothers is. This lesson taught me so much, and I hope I will always be grateful for the experience.