Fall Semester

Its been a while since I've posted. I'm mostly just always out of time!
I shouldn't even be posting right now but I just can't help but take a break.
I have the heaviest work load I've ever had school wise in my life!
Currently reading 3 novels for one class. Have a paper due every Wednesday for one class. A novel for another class. A text book for another, and a novel and a text book for another, and a textbook and poetry for the other. Its a LOT of reading and writing. On top of that I'm trying to finish sewing my sister's crib bedding (its taking me wayyy to long). I make super simple dinners lately. I'm literally up at 3:15 am, reading at work, going to school, coming home and doing homework until 5:00. I go to the gym at 5:00 every other day and on the days I don't I try to get dinner started. Then its back to homework or sewing for three more hours and then bed. And I still don't finish everything!!

Anyhow-- those are my complaints [: haha.
I'm working on staying positive and not overloading myself. Its really hard to stay motivated when you'd rather be cooking great dinners, cleaning your house, and all that fun wife stuff.
But the days I don't work (Tuesday and Thursday) I let myself sleep in until 5am and then I get up and give myself two hours of homework time, then two hours of clean/get ready time/catch up time before class. Those are my favorite times. They usually look like this.

 Candle burning, clean house, hot cocoa, reading British lit, and Ella Fitzgerald!
Besides all the work, I LOVE my major truly and fully. English has always been my favorite, and will always be. I especially love writing. Right now I'm working on building my skills in less formal forms of writing-- like fiction. I do well at speeches, essays, research papers, academic papers, and emotional pieces. So right now I'm focusing on the short story.
I'm also really loving having books to read that push me to understand. SO much better than the Harry Potter books I was reading over the break. (No offense fans!) They were just too surface level and simple. A great story nonetheless though.

I'm also working on trying to be healthy again. Happy to say that the strep is gone and I'm just feeling great! With the pregnancy and miscarriage it'd been almost 5 months since I REALLY ran on a treadmill. Last Thursday I started with the bike and just went 15 miles. It felt really good. By Saturday I graduated to the treadmill and ran/walked 2.5 miles, then rode 2.5 more on the bike. (I'm starting small, don't judge). Hoping to get back into lifting soon but we'll see where the time permits. Feels good to be taking care of my body, and to take that time out for me. Even if it is only every other day right now.

Garth and I are continuing to enjoy being married-- as if you wondered. We have a couple fun things coming up, but they're secrets so I'll have to share later when they're finished [:
Garth works really hard in school and I watch him study and restudy lecture notes daily. He memorizes everything. I'm grateful for such a hard working man. Did I mention he works at 4am EVERYDAY? Well besides weekends. But yeah thats not fun. He also is a sweetheart and gets up early on the weekends to help people. Last week it was to help the neighbor detail his new car. So funny. 6 am on a Saturday he's up and by 2pm he'd worked out, detailed two cars, and was starting to clean our house. (I was sewing Anna's crib bedding).
Such a great man!

Despite our heavy workloads I'm grateful for our early morning shifts. We get to study together daily and even though we don't talk a whole lot during it its nice to see each other more than last semester.


We plan to enjoy fall to the fullest and complete all the items on our fall bucket list! [:
I can't wait for winter and the holidays though. So excited.

These were amazing fall cookies. Apple Cider cookies with caramel centers. YUM

 Also since I'm obsessed with decorating here's some of the fall stuff i've added.

Just for good measure here's our little Kitchen. Its becoming my favorite room 

in the whole house so. I had to share its cuteness. 

Now here's my small rant and then I'll end this book.
I hate seeing everything about politics on facebook. Not because politics annoy me or because I'm not interested, I am. But the battles become more about what the other side is doing WRONG than what our side can do right. People are so focused on trashing and outsmarting the other side they're forgetting who we are supposed to be. It makes me so sad to hear people call anyone an "idiot" or "incompetent" or complain endlessly about the way they do things. I don't like Obama either, but I don't judge him for everything that's wrong with this country. He's just one man. And things aren't going to change instantly. I don't agree with all that he does but that doesn't give me a right to argue with those who do and act like they are foolish. I was taught to be Christlike in all things. To love ALL of god's children and to love my enemies! I think its sad that people forget that so quickly when they're speaking about someone they've never actually had to meet.
If you don't believe me read this talk!!
http://www.ldschurchnews.com/articles/62734/Elder-Jeffrey-R-Holland-God-is-always-calling.html

This all goes for those poor replacement officials as well [:
Sorry-- but for those of you who know me.. you know I always feel for the underdog.
Even when watching sports I generally want the team who is losing terribly to come back because I feel bad for them.
And I can't watch the players when they lose a big game it makes me want to cry even if I wanted the other team to win.
So yes. I am a loser. And proud of it.
haha.

Life Actually.

So here I am sitting in my newly cleaned house with my new favorite candle burning (Spiced Apple Toddy) listening to my fav Frank Sinatra -- and I'm just filled with so much gratitude.
Garth is currently at the gym with our neighbor and poppy seed muffins are baking awaiting his return [:
I love being able to make the house nice for my husband and I love being able to spoil him!
However, lately its more so been the other way around. That is mostly why I am filled with so much gratitude.
I've spent a lot of time being sick these 8 months we've been married, and he's spent a lot of time taking care of me.
I started out with strep that lasted way too long. They gave me medicine but after taking it it hadn't changed anything. So they had to try a different one. Then I spent a while sick with other things and on all sorts of medications, with my patient husband just loving me and caring for me. We got all moved in and started school again. School made it so we saw each other a lot less than we thought we would.
Towards the end of the semester we prayed a lot and thought a lot about Garth and his job. We came to the conclusion he should quit it, and that that was what would be best for our marriage. He quit and found another one, less hours on campus. Although it was less money we'd figured it all out and we were going to be fine...just tight.
Well a week later we discovered I was pregnant and we felt a little bummed we'd quit the job. I was super tired the first few weeks of pregnancy, and he took care of me and made sure I did everything BY THE BOOK because he loved our baby already.
It was the 7 week break and he was planning on trying to find more work and work two jobs but he was unsuccesful. He found a couple jobs that were just two day things but nothing permanent. He was a little discouraged, especially with a baby coming.
In hindsight I see what a blessing that was. Not only because we were able to make up for all the lost time during the semester and grow closer together, but also because he was here for me when I needed him.
In terms of miscarrying, I opted to do it naturally. It was a drawn out process and it was pretty hard. I was blessed to have a husband by my side through the whole thing. Even if he was just sitting outside the bathroom door wishing there was more he could do. The whole thing was hard on him, which made me really sad, but I can't imagine him having to be at work and me do it all alone.
He was able to go to every single appointment with me. He drew on my back through the pain, and made me laugh when I was sad. Had he kept his job back when we felt we got the answer he needed to quit it, he wouldn't have been there for any of it.
So I'm extremely grateful.  I always love when you can see heavenly father's hand in your life so clearly.
We were able to maintain perspective and help each other through it. I've determined to just focus on being the best wife possible and building traditions within our marriage. After all, traditions ARE what will matter to our children. We already made our fall bucket list and a cute little crafty way to display it [:

I had the opportunity to go to my brother's sealing this past week and it was just such a tender experience for me. To see him make that choice with such a wonderful girl made me so happy for him. All day I was just beaming and giddy for him! He had such a beautiful bride and she's got the best husband.
The picture of him playing football-- that moment made me so happy. All the neighborhood boys from my childhood along with my husband played football for a bit towards the end of the reception. Its maybe the last time they will, after all those long hours spent playing it in our street. It was fun to watch. I'm glad I got some pictures.
I had the opportunity to be with my family this past weekend and I just love them so much. Everyone who knows me knows I would give anything to live in Colorado again-- and its mostly just because I would love to be close to my parents.

They have taught me so much. I'm grateful for my moms perfect example of homemaking. Because of her I'm in love with decorating and cleaning. There's nothing better than a clean home with a candle burning. Because of her I decorate for seasons all too early, but it makes it feel like the holidays are around longer.
I've already put up all my fall decorations (two days ago) and brought out all the fall candles. It made me so happy I was basically bouncing around all day.
I'm still sewing the table runner and making the table setting so I still have some crafts to get through.

While in Colorado I was able to host Anna's baby shower with my mom. It was very cute and special. We had a lot of fun and Anna got a lot of good gifts for baby Paris. I'm excited for my niece to enter the world. I probably won't get to officially meet her til Christmas but it will be so great. [:

I came back to Idaho feeling really good, and then it hit me. I have strep, again.
So of course yesterday I came home from work to a clean house with a husband who told me to go to bed. Such a wonderful man.

After antibiotics I'm feeling much better. I was able to get up and disinfect every surface today to try to help Garth not to get sick. I cleaned the house and listened to much Frank Sinatra.
For those of you who don't know I'm just a little obsessed. My mom and dad went through a phase where they played him a lot in the house. I think he makes me feel like home and comfortable.
For whatever reason, I listen to him often.
I also listen to Diana Ross and the supremes. But I know why THAT is.
One time at Barnes and Noble (after shopping for my momma) my dad saw there CD and got excited. When I told him I didn't know who they were he was very disappointed. He purchased the CD determined to show me.
When we got in the car he knew all the words. He even did hand gestures to "Stop in the Name of Love". It made me laugh, and its a tender experience now. So, me being the little girl I was, I made sure I learned all the words and I fell in love with the CD. I played it often. Thats why I still do. [:

Life is going well, we're moving into Fall now and I love the noticeable change in the air.
I love the decorations all over the house and that boots are in my near future. [:

Our Something Unexpected

I started this post with a much different purpose a long time ago. 

I've debated about whether or not I should share all of it. But I've decided I have learned way too much to not share this story.

Maybe people will think its something I shouldn't have shared, and maybe others will find comfort in it. 

All I know is I write about things. I'm a writer, its my major, its my thing. Things make sense on paper. Or I guess in this case online. 

Plus I think this post will make a lot of things make sense to those who live around us. 

Anyhow, here goes nothing!

Almost 9 weeks ago we experienced our something unexpected. 

Some of you may have guessed this was coming, but we sure didn't!
It came as a bit of a shock, and the first week was spent trying to wrap our heads around it!
The moment I saw those two lines my head was flooded with questions -- school -- money -- work -- school. You know the drill.
Garth was so ecstatic right off the bat.
I may or may not have shed some tears. Not that I didn't WANT to be pregnant I did want a baby but I was extremely caught off guard. And couldn't help but feel a little young..
That week I was a ball of stress. I went in and met with someone in the English department and changed around the rest of my degree.
I only have 3 semesters left. 2 of which I can complete before baby! That meant I was just going to split the last semester into 2 and go part time after the baby arrived. I was still going to graduate ahead of schedule. I suddenly became very grateful that I graduated high school early and have taken at least one extra class a semester.
Garth and I sat down and figured everything out financially. We researched all the one time costs like cribs and car seats and then all the ongoing costs for the first year of the babies life.
We figured out how we were going to make it all work and somehow it fell together.
There were immediate blessings we were able to see in our lives.
Just to give an example, obviously for a little  bit money was going to be tight because this wasn't something we were planning for.
The week my mom was here she bought us a ton of groceries. (this was the week before we knew we were pregnant)
We had a more full fridge and pantry than we've ever had in our life together!
Then two weeks later Garth's sister bought us a ton of groceries for his birthday present. (she didn't know we were pregnant).
Then a couple weeks later my friend who is an apartment manager was going through and checking apartments after all the girls had moved out. They leave everything from food, to tv's, to cleaning supplies.
She gave me a ton of stuff.
We still haven't bought groceries in months.
We truly felt so blessed. Things were going to work out and we were going to be okay. 
We got to see the little tiny baby on Ultrasound at 5 weeks! Then we set the appointment to come in at 8 weeks to hear the heart beat and see it start to look more like a baby. 
After that it was all excitement. Of course every once in a while there was that nagging thought "We've only been married six months! This is so fast" but we were so excited for our baby. And to meet our baby!
We didn't tell many people but the reactions of the few we told varied.
There were those who were excited.
I had someone tell me they felt bad for me.
Those who thought we were crazy.
And then more of those excited ones. 
Garth was especially happy. He loves kids, and his family all has a ton! (my family has no grandchildren yet)
We found ourselves wandering the baby section at every store and joking about how big I may or may not get.
I tried to adjust to ALWAYS being tired, but who really gets used to that?
We had a plan, we were having a baby, we were so excited.
We learned that things don't always go as planned, but that we need to trust in our Heavenly Father because usually his plans for us are much better than our own. We learned to rely on each other and to grow together. We made a lot of decisions together. And learned that family was truly the most important.
But the learning wasn't over.
Monday night after FHE I began spotting.
Only it was more than just "spotting".
I instantly panicked and became emotional.
Which made Garth worry and wait for me to explain whats going on.
I knew something was wrong, but I hoped that it wasn't.
Garth gave me a blessing and I honestly instantly knew.
In the middle of my request to please not let our baby die I knew right away that the baby already had, and there wasn't anything I could do.
I cried myself to sleep that night, but somehow I was able to feel SOME comfort in the fact that it was out of my hands. It was in the Lord's hands and I knew, from our previous experiences, that I could trust him.
That morning was a rough one. Waking up and remembering is almost worse than actually finding out. We called the doctor and made an appointment to go in.
The doctor did some blood work and an ultrasound.
When he came back in the room to tell us what he found he handed me my paper and at the bottom it said "threat abortion". (This is a type of miscarriage).
I instantly regretted ever crying about being pregnant. Ever being scared about having a baby. I wished that I had always been excited and never second guessed it. 
He told us we should be eight weeks, and there should be a distinct flicker of a heartbeat but he couldn't find one. Our baby was much smaller than it should be at this point and he was 90% sure we were miscarrying.
We didn't ask many questions that day I just silently cried while he spoke.
They tested my hormone levels, and I was instructed to come back Thursday to test them again to see if they were increasing to signal that I was progressing.
That day was terrible. I cried, Garth cried, and we tried to understand.
One hard thing is there isn't a lot we know about miscarriages in a gospel sense.
We don't know when the spirit enters or doesn't enter, if that baby still comes, or if that baby is still ours later.
There wasn't a lot of comfort to be found but in each other. 
While I cried Garth was able to hold it together and just talk to me.
While he cried I was able to hold it together and talk to him.
It was hard to see him cry because naturally as a wife you want to make it better.
It's hard to know that although it isn't my fault it is my body rejecting it.
We talked about all we had learned from the experience.
We felt that we had been able to see that family is truly so much more important than anything else.
That it would be selfish to try to fit the Lord's work somewhere in our worldly timeline.
We also felt that this had shown us we ARE ready and able to start our family. We'd always planned on waiting to get a little further along, but now we know it is possible. And we were excited.
Garth and I also became so much closer. We had such a mixture of reactions from people that we had to just learn to rely and trust in solely one another.

I went in Thursday and did the blood work, my hormones were really high which I was told was a good sign. We found ourselves caught between trying to "not be negative" and "not get our hopes up".
We didn't do a whole lot through the week. The first day we just watched Harry Potter all day.
My mom surprised us and came Thursday night.
She could only stay for a short time so she said she would stay for my appointment the next day.
I was extremely grateful to have her there and to be able to hear her opinions and thoughts on all of it.
The next day the doctor did an ultrasound.
It was the longest ultrasound I've ever had.
He checked and measured EVERYTHING.
He told us that baby had stopped progressing at 6 weeks.
Based on the size and the tissue he suspected the baby did indeed have a heartbeat at one time but that it didn't beat for very long.
He confirmed that there was no heartbeat now and that we were for sure having a miscarriage.
Although the news was painful, we had had all week to prepare.
We were more able to ask him all our questions than we were the first appointment.

It has been an interesting week. Full of ups and downs. But I am so grateful for the experience. I wish it didn't end the way it did but we were able to grow. I feel like the Lord was helping us get to where he wanted us to be. Our priorities were given a strong wake up call. Garth has been a great support through the whole thing. He truly is an amazing husband. Even though we never got to meet our first baby we loved our baby. And we were blessed so much by the short time the baby was a part of our lives. I learned how miraculous it is that women can create life, and how sacred our call to be mothers is. This lesson taught me so much, and I hope I will always be grateful for the experience.

Camping

This weekend Garth and I went camping with Kyle and Angie our neighbors. It was so much fun! We already had a tent and everything so we were pretty excited to finally get to go. I've been begging Garth for about a month now.
We prepared the hobo dinners before hand and then the drive was only about 40 minutes.
While Garth and I were packing he kept telling me we didn't need extra blankets or hoodies and things. I was like "where have you been camping Garth?" and he said "All over!" (later that night he said "I guess I'm just used to camping in Iowa where it doesn't cool off at night" haha)
So he made me second guess myself. Needless to say I brought some sweats and an extra blanket and I wore jeans because we left at about 5:30pm.

Garth and I learned I should probably do the packing. This kid packed only shorts and a swimsuit. NO hoodie no extra blanket nothing warm! He was shivering under my blanket while we roasted marshmallows.
Anyhow..
We camped right next to a river so it was a really pretty camp ground. And there were a couple foxes running around.

While the dinners cooked we just played games and talked. Then we ate dinner. The dinners turned out so good! Kyle and Garth made and cooked them so Angie and I were pretty proud. Then we talked and roasted marshmallows until about 12:30 am. As soon as we saw the band of skunks in the campsite right next to us scavenging we decided to call it a night.

It was pretty cold that night. We forgot the pad we were going to sleep on so I kept telling Garth it was his job to keep me warm! He falls asleep in less than two minutes literally. So I just laid there and listened to the skunks walk around our campsite trying to find food. Luckily we'd packed it all up safely and it was far away.

The next morning we woke up and built another fire. Angie's family is a big hiking/camping family so she built fires very efficiently. We had breakfast and played catch until Angie's cousins arrived. Then we floated down the river in our tubes. It was so fun!

REALLY cold. Which is funny because its called the warm river.. but it was fun. We floated probably more than 5 times. And then we all had lunch together-- went one more time down the river-- then had to dry off and leave.
It was a nice get away from Rexburg.
I always enjoy being with Garth so much. He's such a good husband. Always willing to help anyone with anything and we just enjoy being together so much. He's so sweet.
Its funny going places with him because I love our friends and I love the company but he's always still the person I'd rather be with and feel connected to. He's great.

I've been wanting to update for a long time, but I really don't have anything interesting to write!
Garth is another year older (as of June 5th) and his birthday was so much fun! I was so excited for about a month before it. Shopping for his gifts just made me so happy! And I know I surprised him with some things that I did for him. It was fun. You'll have to ask him about it sometime!
And then there's the fact Kyle and Bailee are now engaged! We spent all day that Saturday helping Kyle get everything perfect, but it was so worth it. Being there for the moment she said yes to my big brother was something I will probably never for get. He'd been so stressed and spending a lot of time at my house, and it was hard for me to see him stressed! But right after I watched them walk away together and get on their horse drawn carriage I just felt an overwhelming feeling of "this was worth it. Seeing them happy today made everything else worth it." [:
They were so happy, and Bailee seemed to just be glowing that day. I'm glad I got to be a part of it.
If you still don't know how he did it or haven't seen the video check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Mw3q2IXlrc
The paragraph below the video explains all the details. 
Its not professionally done but I made it so that my family at home could be a part of the fun!
They plan to get married August 30th.
Bailee is currently in Africa for 6 weeks, and Kyle isn't enjoying it very much. It hasn't even been a week yet. Needless to say he's been spending pretty much all his time at my house!
Its fun to have family around. They found their apartment and they will be in our ward. I'm pretty excited-- this could be the last time we ever live this close. I plan to make the most of it!
Today is Father's Day and it makes me so grateful for my husband!! (NO I am not pregnant)
**Side note... those of you who have expressed your concern about my excessive 'pinning' of baby things.. I am planning a baby shower for a friend and I am sewing her crib bedding. Its not for me and you're scaring my Mother!!** [:
haha. But I can understand the confusion.
 Anyhow, I am grateful for Garth because he is a wonderful husband. And he's going to be a wonderful father! He loves children. He's basically a big kid himself. I am just grateful to have a husband who will stand by my side in anything, makes me laugh always, is a worthy priesthood holder, and understands the importance of a family. I'm so blessed!
We are coming up on six months! It has gone by so fast.
Currently we are still teaching the Family Relations Sunday School class, and are assistant Ward Librarians.
We are still in school but we are down to 4 weeks people! Yippee!!
We are currently planning a weekend of camping/fishing (hoping to start a tradition)
Also planning a weekend trip to Boise to see the family!
We still don't know what we want to do for our 6 month anniversary..
We still are very very in love.
Garth still writes me little notes all the time.
And we still sometimes just lay on the floor ignore homework and laugh.
He's my everything. 
I'm also still trying to convince him that we need a puppy.. 
I was going through some pictures today and I couldn't help but just laugh at all of these. So I figured I would share them.

We have way too much fun.
The end. [: