Every night before I go to sleep I check on my little man. Some nights I'm so tired I check him, tuck him back in, and leave to bed. Other nights I stay a while. Sometimes I sit in the rocking chair in the room, sometimes I lay by him.
Admittedly, lately, some nights I cry when I check him. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the desire to help him more than I can, to understand more than I do about everything that has been going on for him.
Despite those emotions, every single night without fail I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude as I watch him sleep.
Camden's sweet little spirit will get to be a part of my life for eternity. He is the goofiest most inquisitive little boy, with a big big heart. He giggles at most everything and makes up new words everyday. He loves to be chased and loves to learn new things. He loves all things water, and loves the snow so much sometimes it's the first thing he asks for in the morning.
I love the way he trusts me. The way that he relies on me and the ways he pushes me to be better every single day without even knowing it. Sometimes I'm not sure how I got so lucky to get to call him my son!
He's definitely my little trooper.
At this point Camden has days where he complains of head pain and he randomly throws up. I can't imagine the type of head ache you have to have to throw up multiple times, but he keeps chugging on like nothing is wrong. Occasionally he stops playing to come to me and tell me his head hurts and sits with me for about .5 seconds then runs off to continue whatever he was doing.
The surgeon hasn't yet decided the plan for Camden, we need another MRI, this time of his full spine, and then hopefully decisions can be made.
It is easy to feel a little angry for Camden's sake about all he has/is going through at such a young age, but I was recently reminded that there is always good occurring too.
Tuesday we had our ultrasound and we were blessed with a very thorough tech. It was the longest ultrasound I've ever had. She didn't know our situation really, but I needed to be able to have that time of just watching our growing baby move around. I needed to be told she's healthy, and there's no sign of a chiari malformation at this point, but more than that I just needed to be able to see her and remember her. Life has been kind of crazy and focused on this one thing lately it was a moment to slow down and stop. It was one of the first times I have felt true peace lately and it served as a pleasant reminder that so much good continues to happen so long as you're willing to remember it during the bad times.
Camden continues to smile, he continues to jump around and get into mischief, and he continues to jabber to my belly at random points in the day.
I continue to tuck him in every night, be way too sentimental, and to always marvel at how adorable that kid is when he sleeps. (:
We are blessed, and we are grateful.
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