Instincts.

Maybe when you become a mother you are blessed with super instincts.
Maybe the Lord has blessed us all with guidance.
Whatever the explanation I'm being taught that we need to trust them.

Lesson number 1:
      Postpartum has been one issue after the other for me, with no explanations. About 2 weeks after having Camden I didn't feel like things were right. I messaged my doctor and he assured me I was fine, but prescribed some stronger pain meds. I never even bothered to pick them up. Even though I felt like something was off, I let it go.
As time went on it got worse, I called again and was told to wait it out.
Well then I lost a piece of placenta and I went in. Obviously everything had not been fine.
After that the bleeding began to stop and I thought I was finally on my way to recovery.
Wrong. 
The next day the pain I had been having got much worse. I called the doctor and was told I should probably head to the emergency room. Immediately I doubted the seriousness of my pain.
I didn't feel like it was enough pain for the emergency room.
Garth, being who he is, made me go to the hospital. However, the whole way there I talked him out of making me go in. We said a prayer when we got there and the thought I had was "Camden needs a healthy mother" and felt it was worth going in just to be safe-- but for some reason I ignored it, told myself I was being over-dramatic, and told Garth to take me home.  
So fast forward to my 6 week appointment, still in pain--still no answers. I kept assuring my doctor the pain was in my urethra but he kept assuming that I had trouble differentiating between pain "down there" (sorry) because everything is in such close proximity and I just had a baby.
In other words, this chick doesn't know what she's talking about. 
So we started with some cream for a lack of estrogen. You need estrogen to heal and breastfeeding causes a lack in most all women.
Well that didn't work, it made things much worse it seemed.
So I went back in. By this time my doctor was confused and basically told me he had no idea what was wrong with me. I again assured him it felt like my urethra and he assured me that I was just tender and inflamed everywhere.
SO I decided to see a different doctor.
Well this doctor found a few things wrong with me, but still not the source of my pain. AND still ignored the fact that I kept saying it felt like my urethra!
My "dissolvable"  stitches didn't dissolve and are trying to push out through the skin like splinter. That explains some pain.
I do indeed have a lack of estrogen causing all my organs to be inflamed.
I also have muscle spasms constantly happening in my pelvic muscles so that causes some pain as well.
Still not the pain I was in need of help with--but pain.
So that all will be fixed with medicine, physical therapy, and possibly two surgeries depending on how therapy goes.
SO I leave that doctor still in pain but thinking I had the problem solved.
Wrong.
That night the pain peaked and I hurried home to find some relief in a warm bath, but then passed three stones.
I had no idea what they were but for some reason suspected kidney stones, asked my nurse sister-in-law to look at them and tell me what she thought.
Went in the next day and got a "OH you passed a large kidney stone there. Your symptoms all make sense now"
Gee thanks.
I cannot help but look back at that day that I was sitting outside the hospital feeling prompted to go inside and wonder if I would have discovered the source of my pain that night had I not put it off.
 I should have just listened!

Lesson number 2:
Lately I have just felt like Camden is sick. Its been bugging me in the back of my mind but I keep going through a check list in my head.
Is he more fussy than usual?
No, not really.
He's eating more frequently--maybe a growth spurt? 
Is he still sleeping okay? 
Yes. 
Does he have a temperature?
No. 
He's spitting up a lot more...but he has relux. Probably just that. 
But it just kept bugging me. I've seriously taken his temperature so many times this week because he felt warm to me. It was never above 99 so I kept telling myself to chill out. (I even used two different thermometers haha).
Well yesterday I was SO close to taking him in. The fact that his doctor had missed my infected stitches and another doctor saw them instantly really bothered me, and I felt like maybe Camden needed a more thorough doctor. I was seriously SO close! But I talked myself out of it. (Mind you I have been to the doctor so much the last two months between his reflux and my issues, I just feel annoying).
I took his temperature again last night and I told Garth I just felt like the thermometer was off, leven maybe just a few degrees low. 
So then today begins as normal. Camden smiles at me and says his new favorite "goo" over and over again. But then he spits up and there's clumps, or globs, of blood in it. Instantly I thought you should have taken him in yesterday! 
SO we made a trip to the hospital. He's doing fine, his frequent reflux has burned his throat which caused a little bit of blood.
However, his temperature was elevated (ehem) and his white blood cell count was a little low. The doctor thinks that Camden has been fighting off an upper respiratory virus.
I knew it and I ignored it. I knew his temperature was up, but I second guessed myself.

Moral of my stories?
Trust your instincts. Especially as a mom. Motherly instincts are just a real thing.