Learning as I go

      

    Today just feels like a day for reflection. Maybe its because I don't want to have to unpack. Or maybe its because I'm not motivated to do any homework so I'm putting it off until tomorrow. Or maybe its just simply one of those days. First we'll go over the weekend--As per usual.

 Drove to Utah with Kyle and the Roommates to visit the boy and go to Matt Eastman's farewell.

I ran into Kylee Young and her family, Anna and Becca Young, and the Eatmans. It was like a little Colorado family reunion. I quite enjoyed it. Matt will be an awesome missionary, but I definitely feel for his sisters, been there done that. 2 years is a long long time!! 

Haha. I love him. He took this himself on my phone mind you.

 This weekend was Garth's older sister's 7 year anniversary with her husband. He surprised her and took her out. While she was gone the kids wanted to surprise her too so they colored a sign that said happy anniversary and hung it up on the curtain rod by the back door. [: Whatta happy little family.

 I think I have about 6 pictures of this girl in Garth's hat. But I love her. [:

I am extremely grateful for all the growth that has occurred to get me where I am today. Mostly I'm grateful for the gospel principles I was taught at a young age that instilled in me a desire to think with an eternal perspective, and to have values and goals. The gospel has given me direction my whole life. When I was eight I knew I would be baptized by my dad without question or thought about anything else. When I was 12 I knew I entered young womens, and when I was 14 I knew that meant I could finally start attending dances. My first dance, I danced with a guy who is taller than my brother, and I was 14. I was a little worried about trying to reach his shoulders haha. But later, a guy shorter than me asked to dance 3 times and asked for my number, and called me all the time. I guess the whole short guys attracted to me started back then.

     Today I am grateful for the mother who made me stubborn and headstrong. Maybe it was through watching how she handled trials, or maybe it was just built into her personality but I'm slowly learning how like her I am. People have always commented on how independent I am, and how much I stick to what I think, and I think this trait has been one that has protected me a lot over time.

    I'm grateful for a father who taught me to be assertive and to prioritize always. He taught me that you need to have that ultimate goal in mind, and do exactly what is necessary to reach it. I will always remember him telling me that I need to remember having time. There is a time window for having a family and a time for me to be a mom. I can always have my big career later. I don't have to choose, I have time.

This is a piece of an email my dad sent me last semester and I had to share it because its just soo him and its pasted in my journal.

 "Don't try to force birdies - make a few pars to start, get your feet under you and let the game come to you.

Same thing with College in the first year. Enjoy the challenge, enjoy new experiences, and let it come to you a little bit. You don't need to force everything all at once. That's when you make bogeys!"

"As far as getting out and meeting people it is an art to meet people that don't measure up to your standards and still make them feel like you are a friend. It is important to have balance in your life -so you need to go out and meet people. That is part of the experience! You can be focused and get good grades etc and still have fun socially. If you focus on one thing only you will blow up - so find balance. Learn to prioritize and compartmentalize. ( They are 2 different things). "

He's funny, but he'll always be true to him--gotta believe that.

Basically I've been inheriting all of these traits and learning as I go how to use them. 

I started out afraid to kiss a boy, and making the boy wait til I was 16 before we dated.

I then dated someone who yelled at me a lot and didn't trust me. 

Now I'm dating someone wonderful, who I still made wait until I felt right about different steps in the relationship.

We've never fought the whole year we've been dating, and I am completely secure in my trust for him and his trust for me.

I started out completely running away from commitment now here I am anticipating getting to answer with yes!

I still get scared, but I'm learning as I go that its something I have to let myself dive into. When the lord is in it you have to give it your all--100% to make it fully reach its potential for happiness. I'm still working on letting myself fully dive in. [:

I started out afraid of being overly loyal. I never wanted to date someone who really cared what I did, and the last couple of boys I dated did not have any cares in the world as to what I did. Now I have full trust in who I am dating, but I still care to some extent- as does he. I care most about his happiness, but I love him, so I want to be around him as much as possible. 

I started out completely lacking in confidence in my ability to be a mother or wife. I now know exactly where I need to go for direction, and know through him, I can be perfected in all my weakness. 

I started out wanting a stay at home dad, feeling I wouldn't feel complete if I didn't have a job. I now know that I want to be home. I want to ensure that there's a spirit in my home, I want it to be clean, I want to spend time with my future children, I want to make it a place my husband looks forward to coming home to everyday. 

I started out with no faith in this thing called marriage. Now, slowly but surely, my trust for my boyfriend is teaching me that I don't have to look at marriage as just one huge trial we get through. The journey can be a hard one, but we can also do it while smiling. 

For a period of time, I wished I didn't have to think about my actions and that I could just do all the things I thought I wanted. Now I know that I have direction, and because I have direction decisions are much easier to make. I know what I want in the end result and I feel like I have less limitations with this sense of direction. 

Obviously I'm still slowly learning, but I'm not longer out there playing mail box baseball, I'm no longer being dishonest to my parents, I don't spend months on end being grounded, I've gained a little perspective with each situation I've been put in in this life and I'm grateful. Looking back I miss a lot. Maxwell, Peter, laying in the grass with Emily, drives with Anna listening to Yellowcard, golfing with my dad, blowing things up with Kyle, being best friends with African and Ben, watching lost with Steph. But life goes on, and I keep learning. Maybe one day I'll learn to let go [: --But don't count on it. Haha.

Currently Loving:

Giant Cookies and midnight casseroles 

Music that makes you smile

Currently Learning:

A lot. 

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